Village Idiot

This morning I woke up with a renewed purpose. Perky & with a joie de vivre only the well rested could ever understand. About 20 minutes into my morning routine where I use the bathroom, brush my teeth, proactive my face, serve myself some coffee & begin my facial transformation I leave my bedroom with my clothes & go into the living room. I walk back into my bedroom & get a body spray, leave the bedroom & spray myself & get dressed. Why do I keep leaving my bedroom? Well because my 15 year old spawn had deemed it a wonderful idea to sleep in my bed, in my bedroom & since I know he has allergies & asthma I do not want to spray in my own friggin' bedroom.  I happen to go back in my bedroom & my loving spawn calls me an idiot.  Can you imagine?! This is the same child that I begged my DH to have.  This is the same child I gave myself shots every day for 3 months so his lungs could mature because he kept wanting to be born too early.  This is the same child I spent night after night sleeping in chairs & on floors in hospitals when he was born & every time he had asthma attacks. So of course I did the most logical thing ever...I cried.  Took my stuff & went to work early. After work I did some retail therapy, came home & while the spawn was at tennis I wrote him a note:

Dear Child of Mine:
I obviously do not expect much from you since you don't do anything.  I only expect good grades, which in truth will only benefit you in the end since you have already stated you will not take care of me in my old age and I expect & demand respect from my child. While I get the privilege of paying for your every whim & driving you wherever you want & watching whatever you want on the big TV I worked everyday for whenever you want.  I think you got the better deal.
Love,
The Idiot

OK, OK so I'm not as mature as I should be but DAMMIT IT FELT GOOD!